Merchandising

I want to make t-shirts that say:

i over 3 is less than u
or
u is greater than the square root of negative one over three


These can either be written out in words or in mathematical equations. They will sell millions.

The Muppets (The Movie)

I know you're all wondering, and yes, I have seen The Muppets. I have an issue with what to call this movie. I always want to refer to it as "the Muppet movie" because it's a movie about Muppets. But it's not The Muppet Movie because that's a different thing entirely. But it sounds weird to talk about watching The Muppets. So instead I mostly refer to it as "the new Muppet movie," which works, I guess. Because it's new and a movie and about Muppets. Flawless logic, I know.

So anyway, The Muppets was a feel-good romp for the entire family. I don't really know what that means. It just seems like the thing to say. I was expecting the worst of this movie because Muppets are a hard thing to do well. Also, I dislike Jason Segel and Amy Adams. There's no reason for this. They just annoy me. So basically, I thought this was going to make my eyes bleed. I'm happy to report I was pleasantly surprised. Also, no blood.

Jason Segel was quite good in this movie. His voice is very pleasant, and he looked like a human Muppet, which was perfect. He still irritates me, but I have to say I have a ton of respect for him. He pretty much made this movie happen. Thank you, sir. Amy Adams was annoying. She didn't do anything particularly annoying. She just annoys me. Otherwise, the humans were awesome. Chris Cooper was hilarious. Rashida Jones is always awesome. And super gorgeous (although I'm still glad Jim ended up with Pam). The cameos were pretty funny for the most part as well. So that's a plus.

Overall, I really enjoyed the movie. It was really cute, and it actually kept a lot of the Muppets humor, so it was funny too. I was incredibly surprised by that outcome.

The new Muppet, Walter, was stupid. The whole thing where he had to find his talent (spoiler--it's whistling) was lame. Whistling is a super lame talent. Come on, Mr. Segel. Come up with a better talent than that. Seriously. Otherwise, Walter was pretty much just an excuse for the plot to happen, not an actual character. P.S. Apparently it's Andrew Bird whistling at the end. No shit. Not a flute. A real guy.

The best part of the movie, besides Kermit scrunching up his face like he does in The Muppet Movie when he says, "Alligators," was the music. I'm a big fan of Flight of the Concords, and Bret McKenzie did the songs for The Muppets, so I assumed the music would be awesome. Yep. The songs were funny and catchy and totally carried the movie. Again, I have to mention Jason Segel's voice. I was really impressed. He sounded like he actually could sing, not just like an actor singing. However, you should be prepared to be singing Muppets songs for a considerable amount of time after seeing the movie.

So there's my review, sort of. The Muppets' voices were a little weird, but I mostly got over it (except for Miss Piggy--not even close). Also, at the end when they sang "The Rainbow Connection," apparently Miss Piggy played the part of that annoying Hollywood agent from The Muppet Movie. Which is fine and all, but with everyone singing along, I'm unclear on why Hayley Williams didn't have a cameo. Missed opportunity on that one, movie.

There you have it. All in all, a feel-good romp for the entire family. Or whatever cliche you choose.

Peter Pan

I've been a caretaker since I was about 4 years old. Sometimes I feel bad that I didn't raise myself and my family better. I was a pretty bad parent.

Sorry for my brief absence. I got married. Also, I didn't really feel like blogging. Also, I'm fairly certain only about three people read this anyway, so you probably didn't even know I was gone. 

So anyway, I'm back, and I thought I'd post a picture of the cake topper from our wedding. My husband is Peewee Herman, I'm Anya from Buffy, and that's Beyonce, the giant metal chicken. 

I know you all were wondering what nail polish I eventually decided on because this is a super important detail. I didn't take pictures at the time, and then I forgot, so I can't really show you. This is the best I can do:

See how it matches my dress? Yeah, it's that color. It's OPI Pepe's Purple Passion with a top coat of Cult Nails Unicorn Puke. Because you can't have a wedding without unicorn puke.

How I Know It's Time To Take a Break

I'm working on an editing project for a Christian-based novella, and I recently found myself muttering, "Jesus fucking Christ." I'm fairly certain that's my cue to take a break from this project.

What Do Pigs Eat?

I used to do a lot of work with little kids. Oh my god are they funny. I worked with this absolutely brilliant 4-year-old named Laila who loved books, so every time I worked with her we read a new book. One day we read If You Give a Pig a Pancake (which is a sequel or something to If You Give a Mouse a Cookie). I asked Laila what she thought would happen if you gave a pig a pancake. Her response: "It'll die."

Backyard Wildlife

We get a lot of wildlife in our backyard because we back up to a farm field, and we're on a dead end street. It's a neighborhood, but we're the end of it, so there's not a lot of human interaction. So I'm totally used to opossums, squirrels, hawks, eagles, rabbits, rats, chipmunks, etc. The normal stuff. I was not expecting her:

Then she went over and ate at my neighbor's crab apple tree for about 20 minutes. Pretty awesome. I'm going to see if my fiance will let me have one as a pet.