I came across this ad today:

The hell? Business cards and registry cards I get. But mommy cards? Like moms have no other identity than "Dominic's mom"? And dating cards? Really? Do you seriously think any girl is going to give you the time of day if you hand her a card that says "Chad Fulton, Stand up guy"? If you do, you're stupid. If you want a business card to impress chicks, get business cards. Even if they say "Fry guy," it's still better than a fucking dating card. You might as well say, "Hey, baby. Here's my card. I can't afford to buy you a drink because I  don't have a job and I live in my mom's basement and play World of Warcraft all day. So do you want to go back to your place? No? That's okay. I've got 249 more chicks to hit on tonight."

Perhaps this guy can get his mom matching mommy cards that say "Chad the Loser's mom."

The Best Advice I Ever Got

When I was a freshman in college, I lived with two other girls. One was kind of a bitch. I disliked her. I called her Gwyneth. I don't remember her real name. The other, however, was pretty cool. She was a senior, and I think she was in that whole "finding herself" phase, except that she always had a pretty strong sense of who she was. It was just figuring out who everyone else was.

Anyway, she had this friend named Colette who was, like, the coolest girl I'd ever met. She was this tall black chick with kind of stereotypical '70s natural hair, and she always had on a Rambo-style headband. She worked at the co-op down the street, and she dressed like someone who would work at a co-op like that. She always kind of reminded me of Janice from the Muppets, off in her own world.