I came across this ad today:

The hell? Business cards and registry cards I get. But mommy cards? Like moms have no other identity than "Dominic's mom"? And dating cards? Really? Do you seriously think any girl is going to give you the time of day if you hand her a card that says "Chad Fulton, Stand up guy"? If you do, you're stupid. If you want a business card to impress chicks, get business cards. Even if they say "Fry guy," it's still better than a fucking dating card. You might as well say, "Hey, baby. Here's my card. I can't afford to buy you a drink because I  don't have a job and I live in my mom's basement and play World of Warcraft all day. So do you want to go back to your place? No? That's okay. I've got 249 more chicks to hit on tonight."

Perhaps this guy can get his mom matching mommy cards that say "Chad the Loser's mom."

Aghast

Well, folks, I can end my search for the worst nail polish name ever. Yes, I found awesome names like Starter Wife, Bruised, Phallic, Lemonade-Stand By Your Man, and many more lovely examples of why our world is fucked up. But there's no way to top this one.

Given, this is a lip gloss, not a nail polish. And it's from a company that brought us such gems as Phallic and Load, so I'm not sure what I was expecting. However, that doesn't detract from the WTF-ness. Behold Illamasqua Violate:

Yes, this is a lip gloss called Violate. I shit you not. Someone thought it would be funny or cute or some other appallingly misguided emotion to name a lip gloss Violate, and apparently nobody in the company had a problem with that.

Here's the product description for Violate:

"Super glossy, with a sensual, sheer color designed to enhance your lips. Use Illamasqua Sheer Lipgloss on its own or with Illamasqua Lipstick for added pout. Add a little more sexiness to your smile."

Because nothing says sexy quite like being violated.

Well, It's Official

I just used the words "acupuncturist" and "energy healer" in a sentence, and it wasn't a joke. I'm fairly certain this means I have lost my mind.

Kickass.

Do I Want To Be This Color?

This is a swatch of a Rescue Beauty Lounge nail polish from my favorite nail polish blog, Scrangie. I've never tried this particular brand of nail polish before, and at $18 they're over the limit of what I can justify spending on a bottle of nail polish. But the color is pretty.

I have a problem with nail polish names in general, which is another post altogether, but this one in particular bothers me. This color is called Bruised. Just thinking about that name makes me really sad. Why would I purposely want to be the color of a bruise? I've spent enough time in my life trying to cover up bruises that I just can't imagine wanting to be Bruised on purpose. You know? 

There are far more offensive nail polish names and far uglier colors, but this one just makes me sad. 

Yum

This is my dinner tonight: 

Yeah, it looks super appetizing, doesn't it?